Att vältra sig i självömkan

Åh, varför är det så svårt att formulera vad jag vill säga utan att det låter överdramatiserat?

Jag är rastlös. Det är två  veckor kvar som jag ska vara hemma innan sommarens resekarusell sätter igång, och… Vad ska jag göra? Jag måste gå till arbetsförmedligen men jag vågar inte. Om jag nu ska göra något annat än plugga i höst så måste jag ha ett jobb!

Åh..

Jag vill bara iväg. bortbortbort.

And I miss my family so, so much. Neither Liza, Malin or Zände could make it for my graduation, and it’s been far too long since I saw them. Though what hurts the most is to see them have this incredibly deep bond between them, and I can’t help but wonder if I really fits in. We barely talk, except from some really quick chats on msn and facebook now and then, and I feel so faraway down here in småland. I know it’s mostly my fault, because I am the one not keeping up.

Will I always feel like that? Like I don’t fit in.

Happened yesterday as well. Eskil went to a meeting with some of his friends, they had a picnic and hanged out together for a couple of hours. And I felt so jealous. Because I’ve met this people before, and they seem to be, just, really awesome people and I would really like to have them as friends. But it doesn’t go that easy, right?

I feel like a freaking overenthusiastic dog when I meet new people. Almost jumping up and down, running around and wanting everybody to like me so much I barely not know where to go (”krumbukta sig”, is the word I’m looking for). ”Hey, we can be friends, right? Please please like me, I know we would be great friends! Are we friends now? Do you like me?  No, wait, don’t go – ”

Nyeh. Time to stop bathing in self-pity and go get some breakfast. It’s sunny outside, ne? Can’t be sad when the sun is shining, right? And almost before I had time to finish the sentence, the sun disappeared behind some clouds. Ahahaha xD Gotta love how the gods are telling me I’m not really that important ^^

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