Damn, forgot (read: ignored) this yesterday >.< I’ll categorise it as written yesterday anyway, please don’t kill me xD
Well.. My first love. Of course that depends on which kind of love we are talking about here. I never had these ‘real’ crushes on classmates when I was little, or not enough for me to remember at least..
I could say GACKT. I could absolutely say GACKT since I’ve been obsessed with him for like 3 years now. But if I have to say a person except for Gackt… I’m not sure.
Somewhat I think it’s Max. We started talking on msn for ~ 3 years ago. Unfortunately neither of us remember when, but lately I’ve been thinking of a test we had in 9th grade, where I wrote something like ”I know you can’t trust strangers on the internet, but I’ve started talking to this guy that I want to meet irl”. Was it Max I was writing about? I don’t know, but can’t think of anyone else it could have been. That would mean we’ve known eachother for over 3,5 years! But I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway.
We kept writing to eachother and came closer and closer. I had never had a friend likehim, who I could tell everything, because he was so far away that it didn’t matter. I could open up completely to him just because he was someone I’d never met. We never officially became a couple, but we behaved like one and chatted & texted to eachother all the time except for when we slept, about everthing and nothing.
But of course it didn’t last for ever. After some time I started to notice that I was the one always texting him first, and got tired of his taciturnity. I started to try to make him be the one writing ”Hi. What are you doing? ^^” by being the one that didn’t do it. And last summer he didn’t something that hurt me so much that I’m not sure if I’ll ever forgive him for. But of course we kept talking, and a little later he started to talk about suicide and that he wanted to die, and in order to save myself I forced myself to stop caring about him. It didn’t work very well in the beginning, but after some time and some more stupid things he said and did that broke my heart a few times more… I remember some days after my birthday this year, it might have been around the 7th october, when I realized I hadn’t recieved any gift from him. And shouldn’t, either. The post don’t get delayed for over a week. Perhaps 2-3 days, but usually not more than that.
Atm I was working at the hotel and I almost fell to the ground of shock.
This became more of a lovestory than a story about my first love, sorry!! xD
However, nowadays we’re trying to pick up the close contact again, but this time it’ll be as friends. (‘cus I already have adoooorable boyfriend, yesyes :3 )